War and Chocolate

There is nothing like starting the day off to a dose of Damien Rice, while sipping on Seattle's Best coffee after a week of extreme hell. A good friend told me last week, "Things will get worse before they get better." I thought to myself "now that's encouraging", however, he was spot on. What real conflict is resolved without bloodshed right? Right. It appears that when we think we are out of the woods, something drags us right back in. The unfortunate thing is that intuition sometimes is the one pulling at your leg. I am convinced that the best resolution to a conflict is achieved when one can drag themselves into it. After all, isn't part of the problem that we aren't humble enough to face it? However, once that dilemma breaks us at the core, then we are ready to approach it. You can go two ways about it though... With a sword in hand or unarmed and on your knees. I usually go with the first option, but for the past month, the latter has been my best choice. Funny thing is, everyone bleeds the same, but at least the wounds aren't senseless.


One day, these two little boys will become men and live to face conflicts of their own. Will my actions display a response of "give it hell!" or "handle it with grace, mercy and patience"? In a sense our little ones are in conflict from the very beginning. The nursing at 2 am out of comfort instead of necessity, the artery shattering screeches when mom leaves the room, the repetitive blows they give their sibling when they want the toy and we can't forget the high speed chases across the living room when they're avoiding a diaper change. The thing is, their response will mirror ours. Are the first words out of our mouth "NO!" or "STOP IT!" And if that describes us, then are we in the right to respond in a "drill sergeant" manner when our child uses the same tone with a little friend or sibling? People hear the word discipline and they cringe because they automatically envision a father, a paddle and a toddlers bottom. However, the key to discipline isn't punitive, but instructive. We see it throughout the Scriptures, which is why its usually in the same sentence with words like listen, counsel, and love. Just by a glance at the word we can see that the word "disciple" or pupil is in the very word itself. We are their instructors, which prompts us to teaching with actions and words. If one removes the instructing portion, you're left with nothing but a beating that will probably lead to your children resenting you.

All this to say, put down the sword when you go into battle... pack plenty of gauze, a gurney, some wine (for my wife a mimosa) and chocolate ( raspberry filled dark chocolate for her again). It'll get bloody, but once resolved, be merry.

One big S word... STUFF!

Have you ever looked around your home and get the feeling that someone came by while you were asleep and dropped off everything that is in your living room or hall way cabinet? Or better yet, I am 28 years old and looking at all that we have, I am almost convinced that I've lived longer. As I stumbled around our apartment today getting ready for work, I realized that maybe its not that we need a bigger place, but that our junk needs a bigger storage space. Drawers, closets, cabinets, shelves, and we can't forget the nagging "coolness" of the Ikea storage furniture that screams out POST MODERN! And the most frustrating part of it all is the relentless attempts to "purge", only to find out later that you were really making more room for more STUFF!


As a child I visited my family in the Dominican Republic and remember being puzzled by the fact that my aunts kitchen only had ONE pot. A stock pot, in which she fried eggs, made soup, cooked rice, boiled water and brilliantly served as a basin to wash fruits and vegtables. Now when I look at my kitchen, I see pots and pans of all sizes. The smallest somehow gets designated to scramble eggs, the one after that is for reheating leftovers and sauces, the one after that is to fry chicken breast, up to the largest where we make our "broke" meals of lentil soup and week lasting pots of minestrone. We tend to keep that pot in the far back of the cabinet. It almost acts as the financial gauge for the household. But something that I've noticed is that the more we have, the more affluent we think we are. Get a raise? Buy more stuff. Have left over money? Buy more stuff. Depressed? Go get that to cheer you up. Then we are puzzled when we realize that our sense of security isn't in Christ, but in the checking account.

Now, don't get me wrong. I am thankful that I have been blessed with the resources to own things, but is it really a blessing to own ALL of them? One thing John Piper says is that "AMERICA is the MOST DANGEROUS place to raise a child." And his reasoning for that statement is that there are too many distractions. There is so much STUFF to distract us from acknowledging the priceless Savior. The ironic thing is, HIS GIFT IS FREE TO US!

Also, with so much buying and owning, what examples do we set for our kids? Climb that corporate ladder so that you can own all that you want? Jesus never said that it was a bad thing to be poor or have little, in fact he said the opposite. But quite often he does tell us of the difficulties a rich man has in this world and preparing for the next (Mark 10:17-31). Again, I am not saying that it is wrong to have money, but what I am saying is that with the money that we do have, whether its a little or a lot, what do we do with it? And all the stuff that I have already, do I use it? Or can I donate it to Goodwill and live a less cluttered, less stressful, less THINGS life, so that our focus is devoted to the important things? I am not making a case to live like the Amish (although I respect their simplicity, but not the legalism), but isn't it ridiculous that we live in a culture where there are two forks, two spoons, two knives, two glasses, two bowls, two plates, 2 pots, 2 pans and they all serve a different purpose for ONE meal?

5 letter word > 4 letter words

I think the more experience I have with my kids, the more I realize that although my fears of a big bad scary world are important, there is something potentially worse... Me. Sure the world can pollute the minds and hearts of our children, there are many predators that can harm our children, but has it ever come to our minds that they may be living with one? Yelling, belittling and impatience all have the same negative impact on our children whether we're doing it consciously or unconsciously. Paul tells us in Col 3:21 not to "provoke" our children, he tells us that as a result we will "discourage" them. According to the greek word there, authumeo, we BREAK THEIR SPIRIT when we provoke them. We tend to try and justify our behavior with, "I acted out of frustration with him" and "He's not getting it" or "its because he's a sinner." Truth is, we are just as sinful, in fact, MORE sinful than our children and that sinfulness isn't a license to exasperate our children, but a diagnosis to seek God's grace and our children's forgiveness all the more. We must realize that the result is two fold when we do this, 1. we come to grips with OUR need of grace and 2. demonstrate to our children THEIR need for it as well, which paints a picture of the Gospel. We TEACH the necessity of reconciliation as we SEEK it from our children.


Yesterday we had what is probably the most difficult day with our oldest son, it was to the point where we went to bed feeling like HORRIBLE parents because of our inadequacy to properly respond to our sons disobedience. Stacie looked at me and said "Jer, we better hug him extra tight tonight." We did, but just the concept of a hug encompasses something we so often take for granted... Grace. The fact that while we are as rotten and spoiled as our kids will ever be, Our Father gently walks to us as we are kicking and screaming, and lovingly holds us tight in his arms as we continue to throw a tantrum... Are we any better or less guilty than our 4 year old? Absolutely not. I know that we aren't God, and we fall incredibly short to love as he loves, but even a small understanding of Grace will reflect a God-like response to our children's disobedience. And when a parent is over worked, and it becomes evident in his speech, they are in no way, shape or form capable of using the rod Biblically. In fact, a parent who uses the rod in anger is swimming in the pool of child abuse. Verses such as Proverbs 4:29 and others do an incredible job at addressing this.

When we are hot tempered with our children, may it not result us to react in angered discipline towards our children, instead may it be what causes us to repentantly look to the Cross and find that Grace that we need in that moment, so we may then turn around and show that grace to our children. We love because he loved us as 1 John tells us. The book of Psalms is loaded with how God is compassionate to us, regardless of our iniquity's and we also read in Hebrews that when we are disciplined by the Lord, it is out of love. That although it pains us for a while, it will produce the peaceful fruit of righteousness, we PERSEVERE because of this discipline...

One last thing, this morning as my oldest sat in the sofa while I got ready for work, I walked up to him and got on my knees and said "Son, papi is sorry for being angry yesterday and talking to you in an unloving way." He cut me off before I could continue and says "Its ok papi, I love you" and wrapped his arms around my neck. This led me to think of one thing, my 4 year old understands grace more than I do...

Col 3:12-13 "Put on then, as God's chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, 13 bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive."

Your white, I'm brown... now what?

Interesting title huh? It all stems from a few flash backs that I've had recently. After watching a documentary entitled "Defamation" directed by Yoav Shamir, I couldn't help but reflect on the awkward behavior from my family as they discovered that my future wife was going to be a white woman. See, although NYC is diverse, the minds of some people aren't. My family came from an old fashion Dominican background, in which Dominicans marry Dominicans, and don't say you can't find a Dominican to marry, because you have plenty of 3rd cousins that are available options. I remember showing a picture of my future wife to my uncle Juan and his immediate response was  "Ohhhh she's white", as if to say "ARE YOU CRAZY!" For some reason my uncle didn't think that my wife could learn to cook rice and beans, speak Spanish and enjoy listening to merengue. So far shes 2 for 3 and we're working on the bilingual part still. All this to say, "what the hell?" Its not like my home is a dinner party with David Duke and Louis Farrakhan as the special guest. Now, obviously there will be cultural differences, but that is the beauty of not having an arranged marriage! Will my kids learn Spanish? Absolutely. Will they know their heritage? For sure. Will they dance merengue or play rock guitar? Um... how about both?

Truth is, I wouldn't have it any other way. I love waking up to my wife's light skin and green eyes. And I love her American accent when she calls me "Papi" and says "platanos". I love the way her light skin shines in my brown hands. Its like I took the diversity I lived with for 19 years in NYC, and brought it home with me. Now we're raising two beautiful boys. Mehkai has my skin tone with his Mommy's curly brown hair and Uriah is light like mommy, with green eyes and even lighter brown hair. I've learned about her culture and shes learned about mine and our sons will grow up living in BOTH. That's the beauty of seeing people as people and not as a hostile culture.