Lazy son murders parents <------ Click article
What are we to do when we have a news articles like this? Does this not tell us something about our children or better yet, our parenting? We don't know the full story at home, but goodness, was that child taught to respect his parents? Are we being respected by our children? Do they reverence God and honor their parents? Are we ASKING our children to work or are we TEACHING them HOW TO work? Are we raising our boys to be overly sensitive? Will they delight in work? Be courageous? Accept constructive criticism and stand against the negative? This man was 35, and somehow found murder as a logical way to defend his slothfulness. Are we teaching our kids to be logical?
What a tradgedy...
Proverbs 10:26
As vinegar to the teeth and smoke to the eyes, So is the lazy man to those who send him.
Wednesday, October 13, 2010
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
Casualty causing casualties...
Phil 2:3-4 "Do nothing from rivalry or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others."
That has verse gotten my attention today in light of a disagreement that didn't end until 1 am last night. I mean, isn't it excellent how in the heat of an argument we are able to pull out our mental Biblical Concordance and "A HA, I need to be humble here!" NOT! I love how Paul Washer handles the struggles of marriage, he asks "Why is marriage so difficult?" To which he answers, "because you're in it!" Sounds funny, but honestly, when looked at closely, it should shatter us to the core.
I've come to realize that behind marital conflict lingers the agenda of self. This isn't to dismiss the offenses done against us, but this is to say that when that offense occurs, do we forebear and forgive or do we act out a scene from our favorite war movie. Or better yet, you're Russell Crowe standing in the center of the Coliseum and you can feel the crowds breath as they yell "FINISH HIM!"
Its funny how our expectations of marriage are completely unrealistic, and continue to come out of movies we see, or stories we read. Notice how there is never really a romantic comedy that has a sequel updating the last 7 years of the barf worthy, sappy couples marriage? "Let each of you look NOT only to his OWN interest." Are we truly capable of this? Was the Apostle Paul out of his mind? Yes and no. Yes because we don't like the exhortation and no because it absolutely makes sense. Especially coming from a Christian perspective... Paul is basically saying, "See what was done on that Cross? Yeah? OK now in the heat of the argument, YOU do that!" Its all so easy to read and even quite easy to say, but last night I failed miserably. Paul tells us in Ephesians 4 not to let the sun go down on our anger, so instead of saying "Its 9pm, the sun was already down, I'll try tomorrow!" I should say "The SON, did go down and has risen, so let me put this anger to death." I must become like Ephesians 4:31 and "Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. 32 Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you."
Now what? I must go to my gorgeous bride, acknowledging that I am the chief of sinners, unworthy of a pardon and plead for forgiveness, in hopes that my short comings are over shadowed by the grace that God has given my wife, that we may be reconciled. Once again, God using my marriage to preach His gospel of reconciliation, to a broken sinner.
Prov 17:15 "He who justifies the wicked and he who condemns the righteous are both alike an abomination to the Lord."
2 Cor 5:21 "For our sake he made him to be sin who knew no sin, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God."
That has verse gotten my attention today in light of a disagreement that didn't end until 1 am last night. I mean, isn't it excellent how in the heat of an argument we are able to pull out our mental Biblical Concordance and "A HA, I need to be humble here!" NOT! I love how Paul Washer handles the struggles of marriage, he asks "Why is marriage so difficult?" To which he answers, "because you're in it!" Sounds funny, but honestly, when looked at closely, it should shatter us to the core.
I've come to realize that behind marital conflict lingers the agenda of self. This isn't to dismiss the offenses done against us, but this is to say that when that offense occurs, do we forebear and forgive or do we act out a scene from our favorite war movie. Or better yet, you're Russell Crowe standing in the center of the Coliseum and you can feel the crowds breath as they yell "FINISH HIM!"
Its funny how our expectations of marriage are completely unrealistic, and continue to come out of movies we see, or stories we read. Notice how there is never really a romantic comedy that has a sequel updating the last 7 years of the barf worthy, sappy couples marriage? "Let each of you look NOT only to his OWN interest." Are we truly capable of this? Was the Apostle Paul out of his mind? Yes and no. Yes because we don't like the exhortation and no because it absolutely makes sense. Especially coming from a Christian perspective... Paul is basically saying, "See what was done on that Cross? Yeah? OK now in the heat of the argument, YOU do that!" Its all so easy to read and even quite easy to say, but last night I failed miserably. Paul tells us in Ephesians 4 not to let the sun go down on our anger, so instead of saying "Its 9pm, the sun was already down, I'll try tomorrow!" I should say "The SON, did go down and has risen, so let me put this anger to death." I must become like Ephesians 4:31 and "Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. 32 Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you."
Now what? I must go to my gorgeous bride, acknowledging that I am the chief of sinners, unworthy of a pardon and plead for forgiveness, in hopes that my short comings are over shadowed by the grace that God has given my wife, that we may be reconciled. Once again, God using my marriage to preach His gospel of reconciliation, to a broken sinner.
Prov 17:15 "He who justifies the wicked and he who condemns the righteous are both alike an abomination to the Lord."
2 Cor 5:21 "For our sake he made him to be sin who knew no sin, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God."
Friday, October 8, 2010
I can hear the little voices
As I drove to work this morning, I was overwhelmed with joy knowing that my boys were safe at home with Stac. I'm sure this had to do with the blinding freeway signs that read "CHILD ABDUCTION". I began to think of the many that go unreported or just never found. I was compelled to write this...
I can hear the little voices,
calling through the rain.
Not understanding much of life,
but quite familiar with its pain.
I can hear the little voices,
telling stories of their day.
Stripped of innocence and joy,
barely knowing their own name.
I can hear the little voices,
with their hands over their face,
Stomach grumbles as they sleep,
bleeding heart and soul is slain.
I can hear the little voices,
singing slowly fades away.
Hear the sorrow in their bones,
dumped into a nameless grave.
I can hear the little voices,
calling through the rain.
Not understanding much of life,
but quite familiar with its pain.
I can hear the little voices,
telling stories of their day.
Stripped of innocence and joy,
barely knowing their own name.
I can hear the little voices,
with their hands over their face,
Stomach grumbles as they sleep,
bleeding heart and soul is slain.
I can hear the little voices,
singing slowly fades away.
Hear the sorrow in their bones,
dumped into a nameless grave.
Thursday, October 7, 2010
Teach them to suffer well
As a teenager, I noticed that depression was a reality at home, however, it was never talked about. My father took Zoloft, I took Paxil, my sister took Prozac, but somehow no one said a word about their inner struggles. I thought my household was just messed up and in denial, but something I find funny is that for a society that walks around with their head up high and refusing to "lose", our book store shelves are covered in self-help books promoting the latest jargon on healthy eating for a stress free mind. Fact of the matter is this, someone else is diagnosed with cancer as we speak, another child is raped, another criminal walks, another family goes homeless, another murder happens, all ending in the fact that 10 in 10 will die. And this is all happening by the minute. We live in a fallen world, a world that IS in fact fractured, to paraphrase Paul in Romans chapter 8, ALL of creation groans in childbirth like pain as it awaits restoration.
16 years old, depressed, medicated and because of my families inability to assist in such trials, I looked for ways to rescue myself... I ran. I spent an entire year, pretending as though I was going to school, instead I walked the streets of NYC for 8 hours each day, trying to make sense of the sorrow. Rain, snow and freezing temperatures, because I didn't have someone there to talk to, or at least didn't feel like anyone was able to talk, I threw away a year of school and really a year of my life. I can tell you the many places I went to for 8 hours every day, and how I got to those places by walking, but I can't recall a shred of what I thought for that entire year. I ran from truancy officers, hid bad attendance letters and avoided the counselor calls. I fled all possible avenues of help... because they were coming from the outside, not from my home. Their silence led to horrific days, and experiences that left many wounded.
So why do I blog about such a depressing thing? Because I believe that most of us don't know how to live when we are facing emotional affliction. We know how to BE depressed, but don't know how to live with and through it. Honestly, I won't sit here and type out some long list of ideas on how to deal with suffering, primarily because I'm still learning. I will say that we fathers must think hard and realize that there will come a time in which our children will face something that will rock them to their core. What will I say? "Quit being a pansy, and perk up" or "If you just take this medication, you'll be ok." However you handle your afflictions will influence them in how they will stand with theirs. Will we discourage them with empty words, or will we edify them so that with the little strength they have they will echo Joseph and say "GOD MEANT THIS FOR GOOD!" What will bring hope to them? Fact is, we can't solve it for them, we can't always fix it and in fact we won't always know how to address it, but we must know how to be hopeful for them and with them.
In a sermon I was listening to on Job, D.A. Carson said "If you live long enough, you WILL suffer." As morbid as this may be, that has become one of my favorite quotes lately. Probably because it keeps me expecting, and therefore preparing for when the time comes.
For the sake of our kids... what/where is the hope that we will point them to when suffering knocks on their door?
2 Corinthians 12: 8-9 "Three times I pleaded with the Lord about this, that it should leave me. But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me."
16 years old, depressed, medicated and because of my families inability to assist in such trials, I looked for ways to rescue myself... I ran. I spent an entire year, pretending as though I was going to school, instead I walked the streets of NYC for 8 hours each day, trying to make sense of the sorrow. Rain, snow and freezing temperatures, because I didn't have someone there to talk to, or at least didn't feel like anyone was able to talk, I threw away a year of school and really a year of my life. I can tell you the many places I went to for 8 hours every day, and how I got to those places by walking, but I can't recall a shred of what I thought for that entire year. I ran from truancy officers, hid bad attendance letters and avoided the counselor calls. I fled all possible avenues of help... because they were coming from the outside, not from my home. Their silence led to horrific days, and experiences that left many wounded.
So why do I blog about such a depressing thing? Because I believe that most of us don't know how to live when we are facing emotional affliction. We know how to BE depressed, but don't know how to live with and through it. Honestly, I won't sit here and type out some long list of ideas on how to deal with suffering, primarily because I'm still learning. I will say that we fathers must think hard and realize that there will come a time in which our children will face something that will rock them to their core. What will I say? "Quit being a pansy, and perk up" or "If you just take this medication, you'll be ok." However you handle your afflictions will influence them in how they will stand with theirs. Will we discourage them with empty words, or will we edify them so that with the little strength they have they will echo Joseph and say "GOD MEANT THIS FOR GOOD!" What will bring hope to them? Fact is, we can't solve it for them, we can't always fix it and in fact we won't always know how to address it, but we must know how to be hopeful for them and with them.
In a sermon I was listening to on Job, D.A. Carson said "If you live long enough, you WILL suffer." As morbid as this may be, that has become one of my favorite quotes lately. Probably because it keeps me expecting, and therefore preparing for when the time comes.
For the sake of our kids... what/where is the hope that we will point them to when suffering knocks on their door?
2 Corinthians 12: 8-9 "Three times I pleaded with the Lord about this, that it should leave me. But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me."
Wednesday, October 6, 2010
Ruling the world... with an Xbox controller!
As a father of two boys, I am coming to grips with a few fears of mine. Aside from their future roles as husbands and fathers, I worry about the caliber of men that they will become.
We live in a society that encourages boys to become sloths under the guise of what is now called "adolescence". In short, its a period of time in which a teenager ventures into a season of endless hours of video games, unrealistic professional goals and premature relationships to find out who he "really" is. The joke about it all (aside from it being an American thing) is that it seems to extend from about age 13 through almost 40 now a days. So what you end up with is a bunch of boys with facial hair, an Xbox controller in one hand and the TV remote in the other, filthy with the exception of the clean drawers their mommy just washed for them. It's quite disgusting.
Thankfully my father put me to work at a young age. In fact, I was convinced at age 12, that our 3 month summer trips to the Dominican Republic were really part of my dads plan to weasle me into free labor, except he called it vacation. Dad would wake me up at about 5:30 am to go milk the cows with my uncle, after milking the cows we'd go to his piece of land and cut down plantains and bananas for lunch. Following the endless hours in the Caribbean sun, we'd go to our home and chase some chickens for lunch, I then received the rewarding privilege of tying the bird upside down by its legs, extending its neck and swiftly decapitating its convulsing head. This was all done by noon, and the evenings were just as grueling with fetching water from wells, and maintaining the property with dad. I must say, I hated it then but now I rejoice at the work that I was taught.
Manhood in our country is looking more and more like an American Pie sequel. This is where you have a bunch of boneheads living for a "good time", avoiding commitment at all cost and finally when they do commit to a woman, their still avoiding true intimacy with their mate and in many cases becoming porn addicted, stay at home dads without having kids. And we wonder why the divorce rate is over at 50% both in the church and out of it. Its truly a joke. Now I don't believe for a second that I am the perfect man, ask Stac, I fall short... OFTEN. But I find it to be of God's grace alone that I constantly run across verses like Prov 6: 6-11 and Prov 10:4, where according to Prov 10:26, the consequences of a sluggard is not only detrimental to himself, but to those who trained him, or rather didn't train him, parents.
Give your boys chores, keep them accountable for picking up after themselves and let them see you exhausted at the end of the day from your hours of labor (BUT don't be pathetic). Reward obedience and disciple through the failures, but never let them slack off to the point where they become a burden to your wife and household. We're raising the next batch of husbands, fathers and preachers, Microsoft and Sony can NEVER prepare our boys for this task.
We live in a society that encourages boys to become sloths under the guise of what is now called "adolescence". In short, its a period of time in which a teenager ventures into a season of endless hours of video games, unrealistic professional goals and premature relationships to find out who he "really" is. The joke about it all (aside from it being an American thing) is that it seems to extend from about age 13 through almost 40 now a days. So what you end up with is a bunch of boys with facial hair, an Xbox controller in one hand and the TV remote in the other, filthy with the exception of the clean drawers their mommy just washed for them. It's quite disgusting.
Thankfully my father put me to work at a young age. In fact, I was convinced at age 12, that our 3 month summer trips to the Dominican Republic were really part of my dads plan to weasle me into free labor, except he called it vacation. Dad would wake me up at about 5:30 am to go milk the cows with my uncle, after milking the cows we'd go to his piece of land and cut down plantains and bananas for lunch. Following the endless hours in the Caribbean sun, we'd go to our home and chase some chickens for lunch, I then received the rewarding privilege of tying the bird upside down by its legs, extending its neck and swiftly decapitating its convulsing head. This was all done by noon, and the evenings were just as grueling with fetching water from wells, and maintaining the property with dad. I must say, I hated it then but now I rejoice at the work that I was taught.
Manhood in our country is looking more and more like an American Pie sequel. This is where you have a bunch of boneheads living for a "good time", avoiding commitment at all cost and finally when they do commit to a woman, their still avoiding true intimacy with their mate and in many cases becoming porn addicted, stay at home dads without having kids. And we wonder why the divorce rate is over at 50% both in the church and out of it. Its truly a joke. Now I don't believe for a second that I am the perfect man, ask Stac, I fall short... OFTEN. But I find it to be of God's grace alone that I constantly run across verses like Prov 6: 6-11 and Prov 10:4, where according to Prov 10:26, the consequences of a sluggard is not only detrimental to himself, but to those who trained him, or rather didn't train him, parents.
Give your boys chores, keep them accountable for picking up after themselves and let them see you exhausted at the end of the day from your hours of labor (BUT don't be pathetic). Reward obedience and disciple through the failures, but never let them slack off to the point where they become a burden to your wife and household. We're raising the next batch of husbands, fathers and preachers, Microsoft and Sony can NEVER prepare our boys for this task.
Tuesday, October 5, 2010
Created as man...behave like apes.
One thing I find quite interesting is that even though the Proverbs were written to a young audience (son of Solomon), it can never mean it can't apply an old audience!
How often do I speak and realize "that was dumb."? Often. We're given children and a wife, as a blessing and the biggest fallacy I see in some men is that they validate their manhood by the fact that they have a family. The tragedy with that is that the poor wife and children are left with an over bearing ape, who as Prov 12:15 says, his foolishness is right in his own eyes. In other words, he doesn't know he's a fool!
Just a few months ago we took a family trip and went to the Wild Animal Park, only to realize that the animals behind the glass pane were wiser than the gorilla standing next to me. A man, his wife, and a double stroller, going up hill. She's pleading with him "Please take the stroller, I can't do this up hill." His response was, "You'll get a good work out." And actually made his wife, who was probably 5'3, push a massive DOUBLE stroller with both of HIS kids in it, up hill for the entire 1/4 mile walk to the elephant exhibit. Now while I can call him many names and feel justified, I wonder how often I myself act in such a way. It may not be as direct as the example above, but I think it even more foolish to be an insidious, insensitive, inconsiderate pea-headed head of household. I mean, at least he was aware that he was being a jerk.
All this to say what Pro 12:2 said years ago "A fool takes no pleasure in understanding, but only in expressing his opinion." Are we husbands/fathers out to just make our statement and feelings known, or are we seeking to understand more than to be understood? Are we here to be served or are we living like Jesus said and live TO serve? Do we mirror the words of Paul in Ephesians and lay our lives down, dying each day, over and over and over again for our bride? Or do we pull a David, fulfill our needs and go looking for the slaughter to hide it or worse justify it? We're pitiful in many cases, but thankfully it doesn't end there for us. It should end where life started... at the Cross.
How often do I speak and realize "that was dumb."? Often. We're given children and a wife, as a blessing and the biggest fallacy I see in some men is that they validate their manhood by the fact that they have a family. The tragedy with that is that the poor wife and children are left with an over bearing ape, who as Prov 12:15 says, his foolishness is right in his own eyes. In other words, he doesn't know he's a fool!
Just a few months ago we took a family trip and went to the Wild Animal Park, only to realize that the animals behind the glass pane were wiser than the gorilla standing next to me. A man, his wife, and a double stroller, going up hill. She's pleading with him "Please take the stroller, I can't do this up hill." His response was, "You'll get a good work out." And actually made his wife, who was probably 5'3, push a massive DOUBLE stroller with both of HIS kids in it, up hill for the entire 1/4 mile walk to the elephant exhibit. Now while I can call him many names and feel justified, I wonder how often I myself act in such a way. It may not be as direct as the example above, but I think it even more foolish to be an insidious, insensitive, inconsiderate pea-headed head of household. I mean, at least he was aware that he was being a jerk.
All this to say what Pro 12:2 said years ago "A fool takes no pleasure in understanding, but only in expressing his opinion." Are we husbands/fathers out to just make our statement and feelings known, or are we seeking to understand more than to be understood? Are we here to be served or are we living like Jesus said and live TO serve? Do we mirror the words of Paul in Ephesians and lay our lives down, dying each day, over and over and over again for our bride? Or do we pull a David, fulfill our needs and go looking for the slaughter to hide it or worse justify it? We're pitiful in many cases, but thankfully it doesn't end there for us. It should end where life started... at the Cross.
Monday, September 27, 2010
A typical day is an addiction
When we hear the word addiction, what are the first things that come to mind? Drugs? Alcohol? Cigarettes? Not to minimize those struggles, those are truly addictions, but what I am thinking of is so insidious that we do it and even incorporate it to most of our daily activities. Until about age 15, I grew up with 98% of my days being spent outside playing sports with the neighborhood kids, the other two percent was spent eating and sleeping. But that all changed when my brother walked in the house with a brand new HP.
E-mails, facebooks, blackberry's, twitter, myspace, texting, and on and on and on. These have become such normal things in our day to day life, that we see them as just that, normal things. But could there be a massive problem that we are ignoring? I mean, when is it healthy to wake up and the first thing you do before brushing your teeth or grabbing a glass of water is check the latest and greatest on your blackberry? Or perhaps, checking e-mail as you eat breakfast, so that the breakfast table is now a relic of the past which has a current use of a mail sorting center for your household? Some have SO disconnected from human interaction (in person), that Japan is reporting an increase in men checking into hotels with...VIRTUAL WOMEN on their laptops! (LOSER)
Our fathers are addicted to Xbox, our mothers addicted to facebook, and our kids addicted to texting. Magazines online, Newspapers online, shopping online, work presentations are online and you could even go to CHURCH online! I am not saying that this advance in technology is a bad thing, I admit that I have an xbox, a facebook account and a blackberry, but I think its time that I disconnect from a few things for the sake of keeping the gift of HUMAN interaction alive. I've read articles on divorces announced through facebook, resigning from work, firing an employee, long declarations of love, and my favorite... communicating with the dead on facebook!
My point is this, when our kids turn into the third wheel, while we are on a date with the world through a screen... we've lost something that is critical and before we know it, we'll lose our kids to it as well.
E-mails, facebooks, blackberry's, twitter, myspace, texting, and on and on and on. These have become such normal things in our day to day life, that we see them as just that, normal things. But could there be a massive problem that we are ignoring? I mean, when is it healthy to wake up and the first thing you do before brushing your teeth or grabbing a glass of water is check the latest and greatest on your blackberry? Or perhaps, checking e-mail as you eat breakfast, so that the breakfast table is now a relic of the past which has a current use of a mail sorting center for your household? Some have SO disconnected from human interaction (in person), that Japan is reporting an increase in men checking into hotels with...VIRTUAL WOMEN on their laptops! (LOSER)
Our fathers are addicted to Xbox, our mothers addicted to facebook, and our kids addicted to texting. Magazines online, Newspapers online, shopping online, work presentations are online and you could even go to CHURCH online! I am not saying that this advance in technology is a bad thing, I admit that I have an xbox, a facebook account and a blackberry, but I think its time that I disconnect from a few things for the sake of keeping the gift of HUMAN interaction alive. I've read articles on divorces announced through facebook, resigning from work, firing an employee, long declarations of love, and my favorite... communicating with the dead on facebook!
My point is this, when our kids turn into the third wheel, while we are on a date with the world through a screen... we've lost something that is critical and before we know it, we'll lose our kids to it as well.
Saturday, September 18, 2010
Quik Thought
It's been a long time... This of course because of the massive responsibility that one takes with parenting. When you made that decision in starting a family, chances are you didn't think of the essential things in life that you took for granted... until now. Waking up, walking around the house as you please without hearing "I'm hungry!" Or what about the sound of your breath, that is, without the two toddlers in the background wrestling over a glass of water... We have about 10 different cups, all shapes and sizes, colors abundantly, not to mention the infinite source of water that we seem to have in this country... KNOCK IT OFF SO I CAN ENJOY THE SOUND OF MY BREATHING!
Oh what a challange these little boys are... I enjoy it though. While I wake up and hear the grumbles of my 4 year old, followed by a whine, I marvel at the fact that... he looks like me, has the hair of his mom and is stubborn like dad. Incredible how our kids can be a mirror of ourselves, and what that does to us? SAVE THEM! Seriously though, to ponder on the fact that these little people will be the next generation to carry the torch for this country, but also for our faith. What are we teaching them? To love the Lord with all there heart, mind and strength? Or are we showing them to be relevant, in a manner that completely disregards holiness? Are we being examples of the gospel in how we interact with their mommy, or are we just going through the motions, stepping on everyones toes, being the Savior of OURSELVES? The questions may seem redundant, but how often do we stop to analyze how OUR sins, affect OUR kids?
Oh how I pray that God will have mercy on our children!
Oh what a challange these little boys are... I enjoy it though. While I wake up and hear the grumbles of my 4 year old, followed by a whine, I marvel at the fact that... he looks like me, has the hair of his mom and is stubborn like dad. Incredible how our kids can be a mirror of ourselves, and what that does to us? SAVE THEM! Seriously though, to ponder on the fact that these little people will be the next generation to carry the torch for this country, but also for our faith. What are we teaching them? To love the Lord with all there heart, mind and strength? Or are we showing them to be relevant, in a manner that completely disregards holiness? Are we being examples of the gospel in how we interact with their mommy, or are we just going through the motions, stepping on everyones toes, being the Savior of OURSELVES? The questions may seem redundant, but how often do we stop to analyze how OUR sins, affect OUR kids?
Oh how I pray that God will have mercy on our children!
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
War and Chocolate
There is nothing like starting the day off to a dose of Damien Rice, while sipping on Seattle's Best coffee after a week of extreme hell. A good friend told me last week, "Things will get worse before they get better." I thought to myself "now that's encouraging", however, he was spot on. What real conflict is resolved without bloodshed right? Right. It appears that when we think we are out of the woods, something drags us right back in. The unfortunate thing is that intuition sometimes is the one pulling at your leg. I am convinced that the best resolution to a conflict is achieved when one can drag themselves into it. After all, isn't part of the problem that we aren't humble enough to face it? However, once that dilemma breaks us at the core, then we are ready to approach it. You can go two ways about it though... With a sword in hand or unarmed and on your knees. I usually go with the first option, but for the past month, the latter has been my best choice. Funny thing is, everyone bleeds the same, but at least the wounds aren't senseless.
One day, these two little boys will become men and live to face conflicts of their own. Will my actions display a response of "give it hell!" or "handle it with grace, mercy and patience"? In a sense our little ones are in conflict from the very beginning. The nursing at 2 am out of comfort instead of necessity, the artery shattering screeches when mom leaves the room, the repetitive blows they give their sibling when they want the toy and we can't forget the high speed chases across the living room when they're avoiding a diaper change. The thing is, their response will mirror ours. Are the first words out of our mouth "NO!" or "STOP IT!" And if that describes us, then are we in the right to respond in a "drill sergeant" manner when our child uses the same tone with a little friend or sibling? People hear the word discipline and they cringe because they automatically envision a father, a paddle and a toddlers bottom. However, the key to discipline isn't punitive, but instructive. We see it throughout the Scriptures, which is why its usually in the same sentence with words like listen, counsel, and love. Just by a glance at the word we can see that the word "disciple" or pupil is in the very word itself. We are their instructors, which prompts us to teaching with actions and words. If one removes the instructing portion, you're left with nothing but a beating that will probably lead to your children resenting you.
All this to say, put down the sword when you go into battle... pack plenty of gauze, a gurney, some wine (for my wife a mimosa) and chocolate ( raspberry filled dark chocolate for her again). It'll get bloody, but once resolved, be merry.
One day, these two little boys will become men and live to face conflicts of their own. Will my actions display a response of "give it hell!" or "handle it with grace, mercy and patience"? In a sense our little ones are in conflict from the very beginning. The nursing at 2 am out of comfort instead of necessity, the artery shattering screeches when mom leaves the room, the repetitive blows they give their sibling when they want the toy and we can't forget the high speed chases across the living room when they're avoiding a diaper change. The thing is, their response will mirror ours. Are the first words out of our mouth "NO!" or "STOP IT!" And if that describes us, then are we in the right to respond in a "drill sergeant" manner when our child uses the same tone with a little friend or sibling? People hear the word discipline and they cringe because they automatically envision a father, a paddle and a toddlers bottom. However, the key to discipline isn't punitive, but instructive. We see it throughout the Scriptures, which is why its usually in the same sentence with words like listen, counsel, and love. Just by a glance at the word we can see that the word "disciple" or pupil is in the very word itself. We are their instructors, which prompts us to teaching with actions and words. If one removes the instructing portion, you're left with nothing but a beating that will probably lead to your children resenting you.
All this to say, put down the sword when you go into battle... pack plenty of gauze, a gurney, some wine (for my wife a mimosa) and chocolate ( raspberry filled dark chocolate for her again). It'll get bloody, but once resolved, be merry.
Tuesday, August 10, 2010
One big S word... STUFF!
Have you ever looked around your home and get the feeling that someone came by while you were asleep and dropped off everything that is in your living room or hall way cabinet? Or better yet, I am 28 years old and looking at all that we have, I am almost convinced that I've lived longer. As I stumbled around our apartment today getting ready for work, I realized that maybe its not that we need a bigger place, but that our junk needs a bigger storage space. Drawers, closets, cabinets, shelves, and we can't forget the nagging "coolness" of the Ikea storage furniture that screams out POST MODERN! And the most frustrating part of it all is the relentless attempts to "purge", only to find out later that you were really making more room for more STUFF!
As a child I visited my family in the Dominican Republic and remember being puzzled by the fact that my aunts kitchen only had ONE pot. A stock pot, in which she fried eggs, made soup, cooked rice, boiled water and brilliantly served as a basin to wash fruits and vegtables. Now when I look at my kitchen, I see pots and pans of all sizes. The smallest somehow gets designated to scramble eggs, the one after that is for reheating leftovers and sauces, the one after that is to fry chicken breast, up to the largest where we make our "broke" meals of lentil soup and week lasting pots of minestrone. We tend to keep that pot in the far back of the cabinet. It almost acts as the financial gauge for the household. But something that I've noticed is that the more we have, the more affluent we think we are. Get a raise? Buy more stuff. Have left over money? Buy more stuff. Depressed? Go get that to cheer you up. Then we are puzzled when we realize that our sense of security isn't in Christ, but in the checking account.
Now, don't get me wrong. I am thankful that I have been blessed with the resources to own things, but is it really a blessing to own ALL of them? One thing John Piper says is that "AMERICA is the MOST DANGEROUS place to raise a child." And his reasoning for that statement is that there are too many distractions. There is so much STUFF to distract us from acknowledging the priceless Savior. The ironic thing is, HIS GIFT IS FREE TO US!
Also, with so much buying and owning, what examples do we set for our kids? Climb that corporate ladder so that you can own all that you want? Jesus never said that it was a bad thing to be poor or have little, in fact he said the opposite. But quite often he does tell us of the difficulties a rich man has in this world and preparing for the next (Mark 10:17-31). Again, I am not saying that it is wrong to have money, but what I am saying is that with the money that we do have, whether its a little or a lot, what do we do with it? And all the stuff that I have already, do I use it? Or can I donate it to Goodwill and live a less cluttered, less stressful, less THINGS life, so that our focus is devoted to the important things? I am not making a case to live like the Amish (although I respect their simplicity, but not the legalism), but isn't it ridiculous that we live in a culture where there are two forks, two spoons, two knives, two glasses, two bowls, two plates, 2 pots, 2 pans and they all serve a different purpose for ONE meal?
As a child I visited my family in the Dominican Republic and remember being puzzled by the fact that my aunts kitchen only had ONE pot. A stock pot, in which she fried eggs, made soup, cooked rice, boiled water and brilliantly served as a basin to wash fruits and vegtables. Now when I look at my kitchen, I see pots and pans of all sizes. The smallest somehow gets designated to scramble eggs, the one after that is for reheating leftovers and sauces, the one after that is to fry chicken breast, up to the largest where we make our "broke" meals of lentil soup and week lasting pots of minestrone. We tend to keep that pot in the far back of the cabinet. It almost acts as the financial gauge for the household. But something that I've noticed is that the more we have, the more affluent we think we are. Get a raise? Buy more stuff. Have left over money? Buy more stuff. Depressed? Go get that to cheer you up. Then we are puzzled when we realize that our sense of security isn't in Christ, but in the checking account.
Now, don't get me wrong. I am thankful that I have been blessed with the resources to own things, but is it really a blessing to own ALL of them? One thing John Piper says is that "AMERICA is the MOST DANGEROUS place to raise a child." And his reasoning for that statement is that there are too many distractions. There is so much STUFF to distract us from acknowledging the priceless Savior. The ironic thing is, HIS GIFT IS FREE TO US!
Also, with so much buying and owning, what examples do we set for our kids? Climb that corporate ladder so that you can own all that you want? Jesus never said that it was a bad thing to be poor or have little, in fact he said the opposite. But quite often he does tell us of the difficulties a rich man has in this world and preparing for the next (Mark 10:17-31). Again, I am not saying that it is wrong to have money, but what I am saying is that with the money that we do have, whether its a little or a lot, what do we do with it? And all the stuff that I have already, do I use it? Or can I donate it to Goodwill and live a less cluttered, less stressful, less THINGS life, so that our focus is devoted to the important things? I am not making a case to live like the Amish (although I respect their simplicity, but not the legalism), but isn't it ridiculous that we live in a culture where there are two forks, two spoons, two knives, two glasses, two bowls, two plates, 2 pots, 2 pans and they all serve a different purpose for ONE meal?
Monday, August 9, 2010
5 letter word > 4 letter words
I think the more experience I have with my kids, the more I realize that although my fears of a big bad scary world are important, there is something potentially worse... Me. Sure the world can pollute the minds and hearts of our children, there are many predators that can harm our children, but has it ever come to our minds that they may be living with one? Yelling, belittling and impatience all have the same negative impact on our children whether we're doing it consciously or unconsciously. Paul tells us in Col 3:21 not to "provoke" our children, he tells us that as a result we will "discourage" them. According to the greek word there, authumeo, we BREAK THEIR SPIRIT when we provoke them. We tend to try and justify our behavior with, "I acted out of frustration with him" and "He's not getting it" or "its because he's a sinner." Truth is, we are just as sinful, in fact, MORE sinful than our children and that sinfulness isn't a license to exasperate our children, but a diagnosis to seek God's grace and our children's forgiveness all the more. We must realize that the result is two fold when we do this, 1. we come to grips with OUR need of grace and 2. demonstrate to our children THEIR need for it as well, which paints a picture of the Gospel. We TEACH the necessity of reconciliation as we SEEK it from our children.
Yesterday we had what is probably the most difficult day with our oldest son, it was to the point where we went to bed feeling like HORRIBLE parents because of our inadequacy to properly respond to our sons disobedience. Stacie looked at me and said "Jer, we better hug him extra tight tonight." We did, but just the concept of a hug encompasses something we so often take for granted... Grace. The fact that while we are as rotten and spoiled as our kids will ever be, Our Father gently walks to us as we are kicking and screaming, and lovingly holds us tight in his arms as we continue to throw a tantrum... Are we any better or less guilty than our 4 year old? Absolutely not. I know that we aren't God, and we fall incredibly short to love as he loves, but even a small understanding of Grace will reflect a God-like response to our children's disobedience. And when a parent is over worked, and it becomes evident in his speech, they are in no way, shape or form capable of using the rod Biblically. In fact, a parent who uses the rod in anger is swimming in the pool of child abuse. Verses such as Proverbs 4:29 and others do an incredible job at addressing this.
When we are hot tempered with our children, may it not result us to react in angered discipline towards our children, instead may it be what causes us to repentantly look to the Cross and find that Grace that we need in that moment, so we may then turn around and show that grace to our children. We love because he loved us as 1 John tells us. The book of Psalms is loaded with how God is compassionate to us, regardless of our iniquity's and we also read in Hebrews that when we are disciplined by the Lord, it is out of love. That although it pains us for a while, it will produce the peaceful fruit of righteousness, we PERSEVERE because of this discipline...
One last thing, this morning as my oldest sat in the sofa while I got ready for work, I walked up to him and got on my knees and said "Son, papi is sorry for being angry yesterday and talking to you in an unloving way." He cut me off before I could continue and says "Its ok papi, I love you" and wrapped his arms around my neck. This led me to think of one thing, my 4 year old understands grace more than I do...
Col 3:12-13 "Put on then, as God's chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, 13 bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive."
Yesterday we had what is probably the most difficult day with our oldest son, it was to the point where we went to bed feeling like HORRIBLE parents because of our inadequacy to properly respond to our sons disobedience. Stacie looked at me and said "Jer, we better hug him extra tight tonight." We did, but just the concept of a hug encompasses something we so often take for granted... Grace. The fact that while we are as rotten and spoiled as our kids will ever be, Our Father gently walks to us as we are kicking and screaming, and lovingly holds us tight in his arms as we continue to throw a tantrum... Are we any better or less guilty than our 4 year old? Absolutely not. I know that we aren't God, and we fall incredibly short to love as he loves, but even a small understanding of Grace will reflect a God-like response to our children's disobedience. And when a parent is over worked, and it becomes evident in his speech, they are in no way, shape or form capable of using the rod Biblically. In fact, a parent who uses the rod in anger is swimming in the pool of child abuse. Verses such as Proverbs 4:29 and others do an incredible job at addressing this.
When we are hot tempered with our children, may it not result us to react in angered discipline towards our children, instead may it be what causes us to repentantly look to the Cross and find that Grace that we need in that moment, so we may then turn around and show that grace to our children. We love because he loved us as 1 John tells us. The book of Psalms is loaded with how God is compassionate to us, regardless of our iniquity's and we also read in Hebrews that when we are disciplined by the Lord, it is out of love. That although it pains us for a while, it will produce the peaceful fruit of righteousness, we PERSEVERE because of this discipline...
One last thing, this morning as my oldest sat in the sofa while I got ready for work, I walked up to him and got on my knees and said "Son, papi is sorry for being angry yesterday and talking to you in an unloving way." He cut me off before I could continue and says "Its ok papi, I love you" and wrapped his arms around my neck. This led me to think of one thing, my 4 year old understands grace more than I do...
Col 3:12-13 "Put on then, as God's chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, 13 bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive."
Saturday, August 7, 2010
Your white, I'm brown... now what?
Interesting title huh? It all stems from a few flash backs that I've had recently. After watching a documentary entitled "Defamation" directed by Yoav Shamir, I couldn't help but reflect on the awkward behavior from my family as they discovered that my future wife was going to be a white woman. See, although NYC is diverse, the minds of some people aren't. My family came from an old fashion Dominican background, in which Dominicans marry Dominicans, and don't say you can't find a Dominican to marry, because you have plenty of 3rd cousins that are available options. I remember showing a picture of my future wife to my uncle Juan and his immediate response was "Ohhhh she's white", as if to say "ARE YOU CRAZY!" For some reason my uncle didn't think that my wife could learn to cook rice and beans, speak Spanish and enjoy listening to merengue. So far shes 2 for 3 and we're working on the bilingual part still. All this to say, "what the hell?" Its not like my home is a dinner party with David Duke and Louis Farrakhan as the special guest. Now, obviously there will be cultural differences, but that is the beauty of not having an arranged marriage! Will my kids learn Spanish? Absolutely. Will they know their heritage? For sure. Will they dance merengue or play rock guitar? Um... how about both?
Truth is, I wouldn't have it any other way. I love waking up to my wife's light skin and green eyes. And I love her American accent when she calls me "Papi" and says "platanos". I love the way her light skin shines in my brown hands. Its like I took the diversity I lived with for 19 years in NYC, and brought it home with me. Now we're raising two beautiful boys. Mehkai has my skin tone with his Mommy's curly brown hair and Uriah is light like mommy, with green eyes and even lighter brown hair. I've learned about her culture and shes learned about mine and our sons will grow up living in BOTH. That's the beauty of seeing people as people and not as a hostile culture.
Truth is, I wouldn't have it any other way. I love waking up to my wife's light skin and green eyes. And I love her American accent when she calls me "Papi" and says "platanos". I love the way her light skin shines in my brown hands. Its like I took the diversity I lived with for 19 years in NYC, and brought it home with me. Now we're raising two beautiful boys. Mehkai has my skin tone with his Mommy's curly brown hair and Uriah is light like mommy, with green eyes and even lighter brown hair. I've learned about her culture and shes learned about mine and our sons will grow up living in BOTH. That's the beauty of seeing people as people and not as a hostile culture.
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