I think the more experience I have with my kids, the more I realize that although my fears of a big bad scary world are important, there is something potentially worse... Me. Sure the world can pollute the minds and hearts of our children, there are many predators that can harm our children, but has it ever come to our minds that they may be living with one? Yelling, belittling and impatience all have the same negative impact on our children whether we're doing it consciously or unconsciously. Paul tells us in Col 3:21 not to "provoke" our children, he tells us that as a result we will "discourage" them. According to the greek word there, authumeo, we BREAK THEIR SPIRIT when we provoke them. We tend to try and justify our behavior with, "I acted out of frustration with him" and "He's not getting it" or "its because he's a sinner." Truth is, we are just as sinful, in fact, MORE sinful than our children and that sinfulness isn't a license to exasperate our children, but a diagnosis to seek God's grace and our children's forgiveness all the more. We must realize that the result is two fold when we do this, 1. we come to grips with OUR need of grace and 2. demonstrate to our children THEIR need for it as well, which paints a picture of the Gospel. We TEACH the necessity of reconciliation as we SEEK it from our children.
Yesterday we had what is probably the most difficult day with our oldest son, it was to the point where we went to bed feeling like HORRIBLE parents because of our inadequacy to properly respond to our sons disobedience. Stacie looked at me and said "Jer, we better hug him extra tight tonight." We did, but just the concept of a hug encompasses something we so often take for granted... Grace. The fact that while we are as rotten and spoiled as our kids will ever be, Our Father gently walks to us as we are kicking and screaming, and lovingly holds us tight in his arms as we continue to throw a tantrum... Are we any better or less guilty than our 4 year old? Absolutely not. I know that we aren't God, and we fall incredibly short to love as he loves, but even a small understanding of Grace will reflect a God-like response to our children's disobedience. And when a parent is over worked, and it becomes evident in his speech, they are in no way, shape or form capable of using the rod Biblically. In fact, a parent who uses the rod in anger is swimming in the pool of child abuse. Verses such as Proverbs 4:29 and others do an incredible job at addressing this.
When we are hot tempered with our children, may it not result us to react in angered discipline towards our children, instead may it be what causes us to repentantly look to the Cross and find that Grace that we need in that moment, so we may then turn around and show that grace to our children. We love because he loved us as 1 John tells us. The book of Psalms is loaded with how God is compassionate to us, regardless of our iniquity's and we also read in Hebrews that when we are disciplined by the Lord, it is out of love. That although it pains us for a while, it will produce the peaceful fruit of righteousness, we PERSEVERE because of this discipline...
One last thing, this morning as my oldest sat in the sofa while I got ready for work, I walked up to him and got on my knees and said "Son, papi is sorry for being angry yesterday and talking to you in an unloving way." He cut me off before I could continue and says "Its ok papi, I love you" and wrapped his arms around my neck. This led me to think of one thing, my 4 year old understands grace more than I do...
Col 3:12-13 "Put on then, as God's chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, 13 bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive."
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